


Weightless

by vicccchan



Series: Home [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Genderfluid Viktor, Kind of angsty, Kind of fluffy, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Queer Themes, Slow Burn, Trans Character, but everything turns out okay in the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:44:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9166705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicccchan/pseuds/vicccchan
Summary: The one thing he knew for sure was that the brief first impression he had of the older student as an elegant and professional skater was quickly melting into the impression that he was actually an endearingly enthusiastic dork.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> tw for this chapter: detailed descriptions of anxiety and experiences surrounding anxiety

_He felt it like an overwhelming weight on his chest- it was the only thing he could feel- he couldn’t move, it was too heavy, he was trapped. It started in his stomach, with his insides twisting against each other, fighting, screaming. It spread upwards until it seeped into his lungs. He couldn’t breathe. He was drowning. He was-_

 

“Yuuri.”

He was sitting in a hard plastic chair in the school counsellor’s office.  

 

Yuuri was pulled back from the flashbacks of what had happened earlier, why he had ended up here in the first place. The counsellor was sitting directly opposite him, lower half completely hidden by a large metal desk. Her dark curly locks were framed all around her face, her expression was one of professional calm, yet the gaze she held Yuuri under was intense- intense enough to remind him of the reality of the present.

“Can you tell me why you’re here?” She asked softly, but managed to not come across as patronising. She knew why he was here, but Yuuri humoured her anyway. He appreciated that she didn’t handle him like a fragile baby, or a mechanical time bomb that threatened to explode at any moment.   

“One of the teachers found me…crying in the bathroom,” he responded quietly. He focused on the brightly coloured, cheesey motivational posters behind her head as he spoke, he couldn’t bring himself to maintain eye-contact for too long. “I didn’t lock the door. He went in to check if I was okay, reached out to grab my shoulders, and I…I freaked out.”

 

The school counsellor nodded as she rapidly scribbled notes on a clipboard, a slight frown on her features. “That was Mr. Petrov,  the biology teacher,” she explained. “He shouldn’t have done that. It sounds like you were experiencing some sort of anxiety attack, the worst thing you can possibly do in that situation is to invade personal space, or attempt any physical contact.”

Yuuri didn’t know how to react to that, so he simply stayed silent.

 “You just moved here from Japan…two months ago, yes?”

 Yuuri nodded while trying to ignore the pang of homesickness making its way from his chest to the dryness of his throat.

“You’re a seventeen year old who just started high school in an entirely foreign country, I think that alone is enough of a reason to cause anxiety. Tell me, Yuuri, have you made friends with any of your classmates yet? Have you considered any after school activities?”

 He didn’t bring up the fact that he had struggled with anxiety since before moving from Japan. “No.”

“It might be helpful for you to have some sort of distraction, something to put your energy towards and create a goal to work for. Joining a club would be a good idea, and it would also be an excellent opportunity to make some friends here.” She started to flick through some pamphlets hidden from a drawer under her desk, Yuuri had a feeling that he wouldn’t be allowed to leave unless he picked something.

 

She handed a large stack of pamphlets to Yuuri, his eyes widened slightly as one decorated in a soft blue immediately caught his attention. The counsellor smiled sincerely.

“Found something already?”

“There’s an after school ice-skating group?”

  
“Yes, although the circumstances are slightly…unusual.” She explained as she took the remaining bits of paper away from the student. She could tell that he had already decided. “The person who runs it is an older student, he’s allowed to use the indoors skating rink behind the school for the group every Wednesday evening. The building isn’t actually part of the school, but the owners let him use it anyway.”

 Yuuri had only been concentrating on making it through the day in one piece since he had arrived, he hadn’t been anywhere other than the school and his home, he didn’t even notice that there _was_ an indoors skating rink behind the school. He should have noticed. He practically grew up on the ice back in Japan, spent every spare hour skating either by himself or with his friends, it was the only place where he truly felt _free_ …and that homesick feeling was back.

 

* * *

 

 

 

The next day, Yuuri stood outside of the intimidating automatic doors of ‘ _Ice Arena’_ while the sun set in the background. It was mocking him, taunting him as a reminder that time was running out, that the weekly meeting was starting so he had to decide whether to force his feet to move forward or to run away.

The latter was much more tempting as his heart pounded viciously, soundly loudly in his ears. Yuuri adjusted his thick gloves and scarf in an effort to keep stalling before taking a deep breath and walking forwards.

 

 

Yuuri released the breath he was holding as the nostalgic chilled air passed through his body. It was as comforting as a hug from an old friend. The rink itself was at least twice the size of the one back in Hasetsu, stretching as far as he could see. The ice sparkled under the numerous intense overheard lights, the owners definitely had a higher budget too. The faint sound of joyful laughter reached his ears.

One of the skaters had turned around and spotted him, they effortlessly glided towards him, unbelievably long silver hair flowing around them as they stopped just behind the barrier in front of Yuuri. It was almost as dazzling as the shimmering ice under the spotlights. Yuuri suddenly felt like he wasn’t talented enough to be standing there.

 “Hi!” They greeted cheerfully. “You must be Yuuri Katsuki, we were told you were coming.  We’ve been coming here for the last year, I’m the one who founded this group- I’m pretty much the ‘coach’ figure here. Put on your skates and come join us!"

The ‘coach’ spoke unexpectedly fast, Yuuri could only nod and turn away to put down his backpack and find a pair of skates in his size. His heart rate had almost returned back to normal. The one thing he knew for sure was that the brief first impression he had of the older student as an elegant and professional skater was quickly melting into the impression that he was actually an endearingly enthusiastic dork.  


	2. Two

Yuuri fumbled with the laces of the slightly worn skates. The initial comforting nostalgia of being back in a skating environment was starting to be replaced with stomach-churning feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. He hadn’t even looked at a pair of skates since before the move- what if he messed up and embarrassed himself in front of the other students? What if he couldn’t remember how to move on the ice? What if he tripped and ended up hurting himself, or somebody around him? _God, he could never go back._ He suddenly noticed that there was a boy glaring at him from the entrance to the rink, he was leaning defensively against the barrier with his arms crossed, blonde hair tied up into a ponytail. He was like a tiger preparing to pounce on his potential prey. This did nothing to calm Yuuri’s nerves. He tried to focus his attention on familiarising himself with balancing on skates instead.

Yuuri stepped down onto the sparkling surface, and found himself face to face with the blonde boy.

Well, almost face to face.

Yuuri was at least a foot taller than him, but that glare made him extremely intimidating nonetheless.

“You’re just going to slow us down, try not to be so useless.” This was all that the blonde boy said before gliding away to join the others. Yuuri stood in shock until he heard the silver haired skater call his name, signalling him to join, apparently no-one else had heard what was said.

   


* * *

   


   


The silver skater had introduced Yuuri to the others, there was only a few of them. Although, they had assured him that the small numbers just brought them closer like a family- "a very dysfunctional family", the blonde skater had added. Yuuri learned that the blonde skater was a younger student who had the same name as him, Yuri Plisetsky, which made the random confrontation even more bewildering to him. Surprisingly, Yuuri wasn’t upset when he thought about the other Yuri’s comments, just confused as to what the motives behind them were. Otabek Altin was a taller, yet equally intimidating, classmate of Yuri’s. Phichit Chulanont was a very friendly student (friendly enough to immediately pull Yuuri into a group selfie) who he had vaguely recognised from some of his own classes.

The rest of the meeting was fairly uneventful, it mainly involved Yuuri getting used to having his feet on the ice again, talking to the others about everything he knew about figure skating, and what he had yet to learn- silver skater had promised that next week would be more structured, as this was more of a ‘welcome’ session for Yuuri. Other Yuri rolled his eyes at this. Eventually, it turned into Yuuri and silver skater just standing in the middle of the rink talking passionately about professional skaters they looked up to, and debating the best programmes from previous seasons that they had watched on TV. Yuuri felt like their conversation had only lasted for five minutes when he noticed that it was completely dark outside. As everyone trailed off the ice Yuuri couldn’t help but feel bad that he had wasted this week talking instead of actually skating.

Phichit caught up with Yuuri as he exited the rink.

“I understand how you’re feeling right now. I’m not from here either- I moved here from Thailand a few years ago. Otabek too, he's from Kazakhstan,” he explained with a smile. “The first couple of months were the worst, it was too different and scary. One night I just broke and ended up running to the nearest rink I could find and ended up here, it reminded me of my home rink. I was really glad to find other people who understand how amazing ice skating is.”

Yuuri found himself really glad that Phichit had decided to share this with him, it made him feel less alone.

He made sure Yuuri had his phone number and every social media username before he left.

 

Yuuri was alone with an hour before the doors were locked for the night and his skates still on his feet. He thought about leaving too, his parents would start to worry if he stayed out for too long, but he could always skate better when no-one else was watching him. Yuuri thought about Phichit’s words of home; he could hear the ice calling out to him.

Yuuri didn’t need any music to preform to, he knew that his best talent was being able to express his emotions through his movements on the ice alone. His thoughts faded into background noise as the adrenaline of the first jump hit. He was led by his emotions and his body, drifting and spinning seamlessly. It was so easy to get lost in, even without proper structure or choreography. It was so strange how it was possible to feel everything and nothing at all, all at once; he was grounded in the moment and floating at the same time. He was weightless.

Yuuri had no idea how much time had passed before he slowed to a stop, his heart beating far too fast. He felt truly alive.

He turned around so fast he almost fell over at the sound of enthusiastic clapping. The silver skater was grinning at him, large blue eyes sparkling so wildly they could have easily competed with the view of the stars from the window. Their hair over their left shoulder, reaching down to their waist. Yuuri was caught between feeling mortified and mesmerised, but either way his heart wasn’t returning to normal anytime soon.

“Wow, that was amazing!” They complimented Yuuri as he dazedly exited the rink and finally removed his skates. “Truly beautiful, Yuuri. Imagine what you could do with a proper routine, you could do even better!”

Yuuri felt like he was about to explode, he knew that he must have looked like it too. “I didn’t know you were watching,” he responded in a voice that was definitely higher than it was supposed to be.

“I could choreograph a programme for you,” they continued. Yuuri thought about asking whether they were a professional or not in order to direct their attention from him. It might have come across as rude, but they were looking at him like he was the answer to all of the universe’s mysteries and he had no idea how to handle it. “Next week, be here early.”

They both stared at each other as silver skater’s excitement melted into a concentrated silence somewhere between not quite awkward and comfortable, it looked like they were trying hard to remember something

“What pronouns do you use?” Yuuri asked, breaking the silence.

“Either ‘they’ or ‘he’ will do, I’m genderfluid, so I don’t mind,” their expression changed back into that gentle smile until their eyes suddenly widened. “I forgot to introduce myself! I knew I was forgetting something important.”

   


That made Yuuri laugh for the first time he could remember since moving.

 

“I’m Viktor,” they laughed too. “Viktor Nikiforov.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> more age clarification:  
> yuri - 16  
> otabek - 16  
> phichit - 17 
> 
> there is a very good reason as to why yuri is being so mean to yuuri but you'll have to wait a while before unlocking the tragic backstories (also, i completely exaggerated their height differences) 
> 
> thank you for reading (again)!


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: anxiety attack descriptions again (though not as intense as the first chapter)

Once again, Yuuri found himself sitting across from the desk of the school counsellor- with each visit it was becoming increasingly easier to ignore how uncomfortable the cheap plastic felt against his back.

A month had passed since Yuuri first met Viktor Nikiforov and the other skaters- ever since that first meeting time had seemed to blur and fast-forward itself every time he blinked. This was the fourth time he had met with her. They had managed to set up regular meetings without his parents finding out, but enough to reassure concerned teachers that there wouldn’t be a repeat of the ‘bathroom breakdown’ incident. Yuuri made no promises. The counsellor had her hair tied back in a style that managed to look professional and frizzy at the same time, for the first time he noticed that she wore a badge pinned near her collar that read: _‘Black Lives Matter’_.

 

“So, did you enjoy your activities this week?”

She always started with the same question.

Yuuri always nodded in response.

 

After the first week, Viktor had kept their promise of having an actual structure. All the skaters would gather for warm ups, then they would practice while Viktor explained the more technical aspects of figure skating. Each week a different skater would be allowed to perform a short programme of their choice so that everyone could have an equal time to shine. “ _Yuuri already showed me his_ ”, Viktor had said during the third week, complete with a wink in his direction. Yuuri was surprised that the heat from his cheeks hadn’t melted the ice and swallowed him where he stood. This week, it was Yuri Plitsetsky’s turn. The Japanese Yuuri was in complete awe at how the younger student could move so beautifully and innocently despite the anger and abruptness he proved capable of. He still didn’t know why Yuri had acted so rudely towards him that day. Everyone else seemed oblivious.

The school counsellor jotted down some notes about Yuuri- she did that often.

“Are you managing your mental health? Have you had any more anxiety attacks?”

He considered lying, but as soon as the thought crossed his mind he decided against it.

“It’s been…easier. I haven’t had any major breakdowns, but I’m not exactly okay either.” Yuuri admitted.

 Last week was tough. Yuuri hadn’t told his parents that he joined an ice skating group, or that he was pretty much receiving weekly therapy sessions- he kept making excuses. _I have to go to school early today! I’ll be home late, sorry! I’m going to study at my friend’s house after school today!_ He adored his parents, he hated lying to them, but he didn’t want them to worry either. The guilt towards his parents and the stress of everything else happening in his life just built and built and built. Yuuri always expressed himself through his emotions on the ice, that meant that he was at his most emotionally venerable on the ice, when he practiced that day something inside of him cracked. _Ican’tbreatheIcan’tbreatheIcan’tbreahteIcan’t-_

Yuuri didn’t realise that he was slightly trembling through vividly reliving the last attack until the school counsellor’s soft voice cut through his thoughts.

 “I know of a very effective technique for dealing with anxiety attacks,” she explained. “Have I ever showed it to you?”

 Yuuri shook his head and swallowed.

 “Repeat to yourself, either in your head or out loud, what your name is, what time it is, what day it is, and what it is that you’re doing in that moment.”

 Yuuri shot her a confused look and she smiled.

 “It sounds ridiculous, I know. It works, trust me. It’s a grounding technique, it’s like puzzle pieces of reality slowly coming into place to remind you of your surroundings, reminding you that you’re safe- it’s like a weight.”

 

* * *

 

Yuuri walked alone through the dark school corridors after their meeting had ended. It was 5 o’clock on a Friday, every teenager was long gone. He considered texting his mother to let her know that he was on his way home when his phone lit up in his hand.

**phichit:  starbucks downtown isn’t that busy. coffee???? (´** **・** **ω** **・** **`)**

 

Yuuri and Phichit had grown close over the past month, he was always asking Yuuri to meet him in various places (admittedly, usually aesthetically pleasing coffee shops) near the school. Yuuri was introverted, he found it difficult to approach people who didn’t speak to him first. Luckily, Phichit was the opposite and saved Yuuri from isolating himself. They initially bonded over their experiences with moving to a foreign country, but what really solidified their newfound friendship was their love of pets.

By the time Yuuri had replied to his message and made his way there, Phichit was sitting at a table in the corner with both of their orders in front of him. He was the only person Yuuri had told about his anxiety and meetings with the school counsellor, the other student confessed that had experienced similar feelings when he first moved to the school, but not to that extent. His biggest concern had been the language barrier. Yuuri was just grateful that he had a friend who was willing to listen to him spill his spiral of thoughts in a non-professional setting, without worrying about being judged or made fun of.

 “Yeah, that makes sense to me,” Phichit replied when Yuuri was explaining the so-called ‘grounding technique’.

 Yuuri wasn’t that optimistic. “I guess we’ll have to wait and find out.”

 Phichit opened his mouth to say something else when both of their phones vibrated and lit up at the same time.

 

**Good news!!!! Meet at the Arena asap – Vitya**

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sorry that it's taken me this long to update, life has been very hectic recently. it's about to get even more hectic, so i've decided to get together a proper upload schedule!! starting next week there should be new chapter every friday 
> 
> (also the SC lady was originally intended to be a minor character, but she's really growing on me)
> 
> thank you for being patient with me!!


	4. Four

The two boys left their half-finished drinks behind as they rushed to their local rink. By the time they had stumbled in the doors, stopping to catch their breaths, everybody else had gathered. Viktor stood nearest, the shades of blue in their eyes seemed lighter than usual- pure excitement shone through. It reminded Yuuri of the way the ocean would glisten in the morning sunlight back home. Their hair was hanging over their shoulder and styled in a French braid.

“I have good news!” Viktor grinned.

“We heard,” Phichit replied while hanging on to the nearby barrier. “What news?”

“I had a meeting with the Principal about our group- we’re having a showcase of all our members, a professional coach is coming to judge our performances and if he approves then we can compete against other skaters in a national competition for students-“

Phichit and Yuri started shouting at the same time in a combination of shock and excitement before Viktor could finish speaking. Ever since the group started they had been fighting for any type of funding that might allow the group to progress through competitions or exhibitions, and had failed to get into contact with any skating professionals until now. Yuuri and Otabek remained silent. Yuuri could feel panic seeping through his mind as he processed what this would mean. Skating in front of professionals. Skating in front of other competitors in a national competition. Skating in front of an actual audience filled with hundreds of people watching a national competition. This was not what he signed up for. He had agreed for Viktor to choreograph a programme for him, but it wasn’t supposed to be like this. He freaked out when he realised one person was watching him while he was skating on his own. How was he supposed to do this on his own?

 

“Yuuri?”

 

Viktor was staring right at him, their eyes dulled down to concern.

“I’m fine.” Yuuri tried to manage a small smile in their direction while fighting the urge to run and lock himself in the nearest bathroom stall again.

Viktor nodded slightly before speaking. “We’ll have to start practicing even harder. I talked the owners into letting us stay here until they close for the night, get ready.”

 

Everyone started hurriedly moving in various directions, Viktor was already wearing skates and walking towards the ice. _I’m too distracted. There’s no way I’ll be able to skate like this without falling._ Yuuri nervously fidgeted with his glasses and walked towards the changing rooms at the back of the open space, he had never used them before and needed a place to gather his thoughts for a few minutes. He opened the door and walked in without thinking about it. He didn’t think that anyone actually used them. He wasn’t expecting anyone else to be there.

Yuri Plitsetsky was standing in front of a mirror hanging on the wall. Some sort of black fabric was pinned across his back, wrapped around his chest. He turned around with a look of utter horror on his face that quickly transformed into raw anger. He looked like he was about to roar like a tiger, which was exactly what he did.

“GET OUT!”

 

Yuuri practically flew out of the changing room and leaned against the wall beside the door. He had no idea what the black strapless tank was, but he was embarrassed for walking in on him. Otabek walked towards him, Yuuri realised that he must have heard Yuri’s screaming. He half-glanced in Yuuri’s direction and knocked on the door before entering.

_I probably should have done that_ , Yuuri thought to himself.

Yuuri stood frozen against the wall, unsure of what to do. He knew that the blonde skater had disliked him since they first met, the feeling wasn’t mutual, and Yuuri definitely didn’t want to do anything that would make him that angry. The door swung open, Otabek walked out. Yuuri couldn’t tell whether he was angry or not.

“He wants to talk to you.”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri slowly opened the door again, peeking his head around first. The other Yuri stood facing him; he was wearing a black short sleeved shirt. Hair hanging loose around his face, his arms crossed in a defensive stance. Yuuri closed the door behind him and spoke first.

“I’m really sorry- I didn’t know that you were in here.”

Yuri ran a hand through his hair, his face was red. Yuuri had a feeling that he was now more embarrassed than angry. “Otabek said that you probably wouldn’t know what you saw.”

“No, I-“ Yuuri finally clicked. “Oh.”

Yuri snorted, but it sounded more like a humourless grunt. The two stood in silence for a few more awkward moments.

“Who else knows?” Yuuri eventually asked. “If you don’t mind telling me. I mean, I know that Viktor’s not…either.” He added lamely.

“Everyone else here knows,” Yuri mumbled in response. “Viktor’s genderfluid, they don’t really mind what pronouns people use. I’m transgender too. I’m a trans boy.”

“That doesn’t change anything, you’re still a boy. I’m still sorry for walking in on you, I don’t want you to feel like you were forced to tell me or-”

“Whatever, I don’t care. I would have told you eventually anyway.” Yuri walked past Yuuri and went to push the door open. “If you tell anyone at school I _will_ kill you.”

 

Surprisingly, Yuuri only horrifically failed one jump despite all of the thoughts swimming in his brain from everything that had happened that day. He felt like Yuri was ever so slightly less hostile towards him during that practice. He walked home with Phichit and didn’t mention what had happened, but he made an internal vow that he was going to do two things. _One: research the gender spectrum and transgender issues. Two: always knock on a door before entering from now on._

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> surprise update!  
> okay, i know that i said that i was going to update next friday, but after posting the last chapter i sat down and worked out a proper schedule that i could follow until the end. there's now going to be a new chapter every monday and every friday, and i promise that i won't change it again lmao 
> 
> p.s i just realised that i made viktor look like elsa from frozen oops


	5. Five

It was a Sunday evening and Yuuri was standing in the kitchen, in front of his parents. After Viktor’s announcement on Friday he had soon realised that he wouldn’t be able to keep his after-school activities a secret for much longer, especially if they were approved to compete against other schools. His mother and father sat on two wooden stools as Yuuri told them everything; the bathroom stall, the counsellor, how he joined the after-school skating club, and the friends he had made there. They were both silent throughout his whole speech, hanging on to every word he said, but Yuuri could see his mother’s eyes watering behind her glasses. He immediately felt guilt like a punch in the gut. This was exactly why he didn’t want to tell them in the first place, he didn’t want them to get upset.

“I’m happy that you found your way back to the ice, Yuuri.” His mother replied, while her husband squeezed her shoulder in a small gesture of comfort. “But I wish you didn’t have to hide it all from us for so long, we’ll support you through anything you decide.”

“We’re your family, it’s our job to support you.” His father added, obviously trying not to get choked up, and apparently failing.

Yuuri felt such a strong surge of affection and gratitude he smiled and flung his arms around them both, mumbling apologies and ‘thank you’s at the same time. He felt like one of the many weights he been carrying around had been lifted; one less thing to be worried about- a small victory.

He explained the situation of the professional coach coming to judge them and his mother smiled and clapped her hands together. “That’s wonderful! I knew you would always love to have skating as a career.”

Yuuri laughed nervously and put his hands together to form an ‘X’. “Not a career. It’s a…thing, but definitely not a career.”

“A national competition! Everyone back at Hasetsu is going to be so proud of you, Yuuri!” His dad clapped him on the back.

 

He was caught between feeling grateful for the amount of faith they had towards his abilities and feeling even more pressure from their expectations.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri never thought he would feel intimidated by a row of extremely nice houses, but here he was. He had messaged Viktor to tell them that he needed to talk to them in person, he wanted to let them know that he had finally worked up the courage to tell his parents. He hadn’t expected Viktor to send them an address and directions to get to their house as soon as he sent the message. All of the houses looked identical, with black metal fences and gates covered in colourful rows of flowers. A graceful explosion of pinks, yellows, blues, greens and reds. The sunset covering the bricks of the houses in an orange glow only added to the almost unnaturally perfect beauty of the scene. _Who can even afford to live in a place like this?_

He opened the gate of number twenty-nine, mentally checking that this was the right house. It suddenly occurred to him that Viktor’s parents could be home. They had barely talked about their home life at all. What if their parents hated him? Do they even have more than one parent?

He knocked on the door, and his jaw hit the ground.

The school counsellor was standing in the doorway, she was wearing casual clothing, she was wearing _jeans_. She smiled at the expression on Yuuri’s face. “Viktor told me that you were coming. He’ll explain everything, I’m sure that he forgot to.”

Another woman’s voice sounded from somewhere inside the house. “Anna, is that Vitya’s friend? Invite him in, it’s freezing out there!”

 

“So, you forgot to tell me that one of your two mothers has been the person giving me therapy sessions for the past month.”

Viktor’s bedroom was stylishly minimalistic and pastel blue. The complete opposite to Yuuri’s, his bedroom was a chaotic mess of clothes and posters scattered around every surface imaginable. 

“Did I?” They frowned at him, their head titled slightly and the thought that the gesture was ridiculously adorable crossed Yuuri’s mind for a millisecond. “Sorry. It’s not like I could have told you much anyway- doctor-patient confidentially. She hasn’t told me anything about you because of that, only that you were going to join the skating club.” He invited Yuuri to sit on their bed beside them, Yuuri complied. “Plus, they’re not actually my _real_ mothers. Mrs. and Mrs. Volkov took me in a few years ago because my parents were-“ Viktor hesitated. “Unsupportive, to say the least.”

Yuuri nodded. Partly because he couldn’t think of a good enough response to that personal confession, partly because he couldn’t stop thinking about how close their knees were from touching.

“What did you want to talk about?”

Yuuri told them how his parents had reacted to the news. They grinned and affectionately threw his arms over Yuuri’s shoulders; Yuuri hoped that he was just imagining the squeak that came out of his own mouth.

“I’m glad that they’re not mad at me, but at the same time I wish that they weren’t _that_ supportive- I’ll just end up disappointing them.”

Viktor looked as if Yuuri had just insulted them, their mothers, and everything else that they held dear.

“I’ve seen you skate, Yuuri. You could never disappoint them.”

“There’s a first time for everything, Viktor.”

Viktor suddenly held Yuuri’s face in their hands, all Yuuri could see was blue and silver.

“You won’t. I’ll show you everything that I know.”

 

Yuuri had an impulse to learn forwards. But he didn’t.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hang on to your hats, kids. more personal confessions to come.


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: swearing, mentions of transpohbia and homophobia

Two weeks later, Yuuri skipped his last class on Wednesday (Biology) to sneak into the familiar Ice Arena early with Viktor. He made a silent apology to his parents. He joked that Viktor was becoming a bad influence on him as they tied the skates to their feet, earning a light-hearted punch on the arm. 

“I said that I would show you everything that I know, so you have to make some sacrifices in your life- educationally useless sacrifices.”

Yuuri had almost forgotten how dramatic they could be. Viktor had their hair simply tied at the back of their head, focusing on practicality more than being stylish. Hair fell into their eyes as they leaned forwards to tie their left skate and Yuuri wondered what it would be like to reach out and brush it back.

Viktor held his hand to guide him down onto the ice. It was completely unnecessary.

Viktor was a patient teacher, but firm enough to give criticism. They lectured Yuuri on the difference between technical scores and presentation scores (which he had already known from obsessively observing other skaters his whole life, but to be in that position himself was an entirely different story), they showed Yuuri complicated moves with graceful ease, they guided Yuuri how to move his body. “You need to be lighter with your footwork, here-“ Viktor grabbed his hand with one of their own, the other steady on his waist. They practiced together until Yuuri’s feet ached and his legs started to wobble. When Viktor had first spoken to Yuuri, they told him that they were the ‘coach figure’ of the group. Yuuri had the thought that Viktor would be a great coach one day.

He could hear chattering voices, then Yuri and Otabek entered holding hands. Before he could think about that fact, Yuri was sending glares in his direction. Yuuri stared back blankly. He thought that they were okay now, he thought that the younger boy had been warming up to him lately- he actually _smiled_ in his presence last week. _Didn’t we have that moment a few weeks ago?_   Viktor gave Yuuri permission to take a break before their meeting officially started. Otabek left to pick up skates for himself and Yuri, leaving the pair of them staring at each other. It was like the first time they had met, except there was a barrier between them. Yuri still had that exact same expression.

Normally, Yuuri would have avoided an angry blonde boy.

He stood in front of Yuri, not even bothering to take off his skates.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

Yuri had to crane his neck to look at the older student’s face, but he still managed to maintain that glare. “I hate everyone.”

“Well, you hate me more than you seem to hate most people.” Yuuri retorted.

He turned on his heel and sat down on a nearby bench, discarding his skates more quickly and fiercely than usual. Yuuri knew that he was being petty, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was hurt.

Yuri sighed, Yuuri could almost see him rolling his eyes.

“Fine.”

 

* * *

 

 

They were back in that changing room.

Apparently, this was the place to go for private talks and dramatic reveals.

Yuri was using the mirror to tie his own hair back. “I know that you like Viktor. I saw you two.”

Yuuri could feel his face flare. “I saw you with Otabek! You two were holding hands!”

Yuri turned around slowly to give him a blank look.

“We’ve been dating for two months, dumbass.”

_Oh._

“I didn’t know.”

“Yeah, well, that doesn’t change that you like Viktor.”

“I don’t like Viktor! Wait, I do- just not- not romantically.” Yuuri fumbled. “What does this have to do with anything?”

“I’ve known Viktor since I was a kid. They’re an arrogant ass, but I know them.”

Yuuri could have sworn that that his voice was softer, this was him showing affection.

“We’ve been through a lot together,” he continued. “A while ago there was this student who had moved here from a foreign country- Canada or something, I don’t know.” Yuri’s voice had turned hard and bitter. “Viktor really liked him. I didn’t, I knew he would turn out to be the world’s biggest shithead.”

Yuuri had seen quite a few of Yuri’s tempers, but he had never seen him swear like this before. “What happened?”

“Viktor is stupid, they trust people way too easily. They told them about their gender and sexuality- and about not caring about pronouns. Then they told him that they liked him. It didn’t go down well.”

Yuuri could feel his heart sink and his blood boil at the same time; his body felt like a battlefield of sympathy and anger.

“He flipped out. He went straight to Viktor’s parents and told them everything. There was a big fight, Viktor’s parents kicked them out and he fucked off back to whatever hole in hell he came from.” Yuri sighed shakily. “Viktor is Viktor, but _no-one_ \- not one single person- deserves to have their family turn their back on them for being who they are.”

Yuuri stood with his head lowered in shock. He was lucky enough to have parents who didn’t care about who he was, what he wanted to do with his life, or who he decided to spend it with. They only cared that he was happy. It was so unfair.

“That’s why I didn’t like you, Yuuri Katsuki.”

“You hated me just because I moved here from another country like that guy?” Yuuri shook his head at the thought of being compared to whoever it was that betrayed Viktor and broke their heart. “Did you hate Otabek? Did you hate Phichit?”

“Viktor didn’t look at them like the way he looks at you.”

Yuuri ran a hand through his hair. _Fuck._

“If you ever even consider doing something like that, I swear to god.” Yuri threatened, but it wasn’t as intimidating as it should have been.

Yuuri shook his head and left the room first.

He thought about what it would have been like if he had never known, if he just let Yuri mindlessly hate him.

_No. It’s better that I know now. That way I can show that I would never do anything to hurt them. I’ll make sure that they’re never hurt again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //breahte in//
> 
> I'M SORRY, I'M SURE CANON JJ IS A VERY NICE YOUNG MAN BUT HIS PERSONALITY WAS THE ONLY CHARACTER WHO COULD FIT WITH THIS PLOTLINE 
> 
> THIS IS NOT MORALLY ACCEPTABLE JJ STYLE 
> 
> //breathe out//
> 
>  
> 
> i've been wanting to explore the relationship between otabek and yuri since i started this fic, but i've only been able to drop hints so far because everything that's happening is from yuuri's perspective, so when this fic is over (the last chapter should be up on february 10th) i'm thinking about doing a little otabek/yuri oneshot about how they got together or something along those lines?? let me know how you feel about this in the comments please thank you


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for this chapter: full blown anxiety attacks

Yuuri would meet Viktor to practice before school every morning. He never told them about what he found out that day. Yuri never brought it up again either. They would walk to school together and part ways soon after, Yuuri either leaving to meet up with Phichit or with Mrs. Volkov, the school counsellor. Today was a Mrs. Volkov day.

Yuuri had steadily become more comfortable in the counsellor’s presence, but things had become slightly awkward again after learning that the counsellor, and her wife, had essentially adopted a certain silver haired skater. The couple had given them a home when they had nowhere else to go. She barely ever mentioned Viktor, unless Yuuri brought it up first. 

“Today is the day,” she said to Yuuri, staring intently into his eyes. “How are you feeling?”

Yuuri shrugged. He couldn’t lie to her, but if he said nothing then it wasn’t lying. He had been up all night, researching everything he could find out about this coach. The coach’s name was Yakov Feltsman, usually just known as ‘Yakov’. The man had trained nobodies into literal living legends- every skater that Yuuri had ever admired. The more he found out, the more he doubted himself. The more he doubted himself, the more he panicked. The more he panicked, the less he slept.

“You said a while ago that the ice-skating group had ‘unusual circumstances’, did you mean Viktor, too?” Yuuri was becoming quite skilled at changing their topic of conversation to whatever thoughts came into his head. Lately, the thoughts in his head tended to be about Viktor.

“Viktor, and our personal relationship, yes.” Mrs. Volkov explained. “Who do you think convinced the owners of that rink to let students use it once a week? Who do you think convinced the principal that it ought to be considered as a school club, even though the building is not actually school property?”

“Did you do all that just to make them happy?” Yuuri couldn’t help but smile.

 “That was part of the reason. The other part is that Viktor and I both understand that people like us need a place to go sometimes, a place where we can be ourselves. A place where we can be free, to do what we love.”

She smiled at him knowingly.

 

* * *

 

The five of them stood in the Ice Arena that evening, waiting for Yakov to show up. Yuuri’s anxiety must have showed on his face because Phichit reassuringly squeezed his shoulder. The door swung open, and an elderly man walked in with an expression so sour Yuuri wondered if he could be distantly related to Yuri. He felt slightly bad for thinking that, Yuri had been nicer to him recently. Viktor nodded to the others, a signal to start getting ready, and walked over to greet the coach. Yuuri felt like he could explode on the spot.

Everything was a blur. His mind was overthinking too much to keep track of how much time had passed. Eventually, Viktor came back to announce the order of the programmes. “Phichit, Otabek, Yuri, myself, and lastly, Yuuri!”

Yuuri thought he would calm down after discovering that he wouldn’t be going first, but he didn’t.

Yakov was sitting on a bench near the edge of the rink, Yuuri tried to ignore his intimidating presence as he wished his best friend luck, and waved as he entered the rink. The song Phichit had chosen was a modern pop song, the beat matched the amount of enthusiasm and energy he had poured into his routine. The whole programme was creative, colourful, bouncy and upbeat. _It’s perfect for him._

As the music came to a stop, Yuuri made the mistake of looking in the coach’s direction. His face was still as cold as ever, cold enough to make the temporary warmness of Phichit’s programme to freeze over in his throat, chilling his lungs. _How could Yakov not like that? He didn’t even stumble once. He did it much better than I could have. If that’s how he reacted to Phichit, how will he react to me? I’m going to fail- I’m going to fall. I’m going to disappoint Phichit, I’m going to disappoint Viktor- I can’t do this. I can’t breathe-_

Yuuri’s lungs had frozen, he couldn’t get any air. He was trapped. He wasn’t aware that he had ran outside until the overhead orange streetlight shone like an interrogation lamp- then dark. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t see, he couldn’t- he could only feel fear. Was he shaking? Was he crying? Was he dying? Where was he?

 He was alone.

“…alone.”

A faint voice kept repeating the same things over and over again, but he couldn’t make out what they were saying.

“You’re not alone. You’re standing outside of the Ice Arena. Your name is Yuuri Katsuki. It’s half past six on Wednesday, the 25th of November. You’re safe.”

The words were repeated again. Eventually, they sunk in as reality.

Viktor was standing in front of Yuuri. He had never seen them look this worried.

“You’re not alone.”

Yuuri took in a huge breath and started choking. He didn’t know what to think, so he didn’t- he instinctually fell forwards and hugged Viktor fiercely. The feel of the familiar body, and their scent, was enough to make him feel safe. They just let him hug them, they didn’t hug him back- as if they were afraid of making him break again.

Yuuri calmed down, but his heart was still beating faster and harder than it should have. Viktor waited before speaking again. “You don’t have to go back.”

“I want to- I think I'll be okay now. Thank you."

Viktor didn’t say anything else. They walked back in together.

Yuuri had missed Otabek’s performance, and Yuri was just finishing his. Phichit looked worried too, but he gave Yuuri a small smile as Viktor was tying their skates to their feet. As they stepped into the rink they looked at Yuuri, he tried to smile back to let them know that he was going to be okay.

The music started, it was a slow operatic piece.

Yuuri couldn’t look away.

Viktor’s long hair danced around their shoulders as they moved, each of their movements were effortless, yet precise. They danced on the ice like that was exactly what they were born to do, like their whole life had been leading up to this one moment. Viktor was weightless; it reminded Yuuri of a swan gliding on a lake. Their body carried the emotion of the music- even their flips looked graceful and easy. Yuuri was breathless at the beauty and intense emotion of what he was witnessing.

And that’s when everything hit him all at the same time.

 

_I’m in love with Viktor._


	8. Eight

_I’m in love with Viktor._

How could he not be? They were charming, passionate, kind, talented, beautiful, and a complete dork. They always met Yuuri at where he was emotionally (maybe that was a side effect of having a mother with a psychology degree). They were always there when Yuuri needed them to be. When Viktor finished their programme, Yuuri looked over at Yakov. He wasn’t smiling, but there was definitely something there. Yuuri could tell that they were both thinking the same thing:

_This kid has some serious talent._

Yuuri turned to beam at them, giving them a thumbs up. Viktor grinned back, but they looked exhausted. Phichit tapped his shoulder to get his attention, he was smirking. “It’s your turn, Yuuri.”

He spent all that time transfixed on their programme, he temporarily forgot about his own. He hurriedly left to put on a pair of skates, he was just about to walk towards the rink again when he noticed Viktor rushing towards him. They kissed his cheek. It was so quick, and so soft, that a part of him wondered if he had just imagined it. “You’re going to be amazing. Good luck.”

As Yuuri entered the rink, he spotted Otabek and Yuri leaning against each other, both giving a thumbs up in Yuuri’s direction. He didn’t feel nervous at all, he was completely focused on his newly discovered emotions and expressing them through the theme of his programme: _Home_. It was Otabek who had first asked Yuuri what theme he was thinking of for his programme, he was surprised- the only person Otabek really talked to was his boyfriend- but he immediately gave his answer without thinking about it.

He had always associated the ice with home. When he was growing up in Hasetsu, Ice Castle was his home. It was where he met his friends, where he would go when he didn’t have anywhere else, where he would go in an attempt to calm his anxiety. It was his safe place, his comfort, his motivation. The Ice Arena was becoming his home now. Yuuri hadn’t even been here for a year, but he understood what Viktor had meant when he first described the small group as family- and Yuri’s comment about it being a dysfunctional one. All families have issues, secrets, and pasts that can come back to haunt, but you live through it because you know that you have other people on your side who care. You can argue, you can fight, you can hate them sometimes, but you care. Viktor was his home now, too. He had a supportive home back in Japan, he had a supportive home with his parents, and he had a supportive home right here. He was loved, and he could love. He let these thoughts overflow his mind as he skated, he didn’t let his mind wander to anything else. He didn’t think about the moves, he didn’t think about the music _. The comfort and love of a family and a home._

When Yuuri finished his routine, he was disgustingly drenched in sweat and struggling to catch his breath again. He looked up and was quite alarmed by what he saw. Viktor was openly _weeping_ , Phichit was cheering and clapping, Otabek was _smiling_ \- Yuri was wearing a contemplative expression, Yuuri could imagine that he was thinking: _Huh. I guess that wasn’t completely terrible after all._

Yuuri didn’t know how to handle their reactions, he felt embarrassed. Happy, but very embarrassed. He exited the ice, and Yakov was suddenly standing in front of them. Yuuri actually forgot that he was in the building for a few moments.

He noticed that the older man looked significantly less sour than he did when he first walked in.

 

* * *

 

 

“Celebratory coffee!”

Phichit had dragged Yuuri to that same coffee shop the next morning. He tried to drag him last night, but Yuuri was completely physically and emotionally exhausted. He crashed out as soon as he got home. Yakov had seemed pleased by all of their routines, but he had taken a particular shining to Viktor. He had approved them all to compete in the next national school-wide competition, then gave them an hour long lecture full of professional criticism and areas to improve before the competition. Some of the ‘criticism’ included Viktor’s ‘amateur coaching skills’, and he heavily advised that they should stick to skating. Yuuri had a feeling Viktor either wouldn’t listen, or would conveniently forget his comments.

He sipped his drink and tried to match Phichit’s optimism. He was incredibly nervous about competing against other schools- schools that had a budget big enough to include an ice rink officially attached to the actual building. Schools that had actual staff members as coaches, rather than being basically self-taught. Plus, he still felt guilty about missing two of the programmes.

“Viktor seemed pretty impressed by you.” Phichit was smiling far too wildly, his eyes glinted mischievously. “Actually, he was so proud of you that he was crying. What was that about?” Yuuri decided to confide in his best friend, but he didn’t trust that look.

“I like Viktor. A lot. More than I probably should.” Yuuri thought that admitting it slowly would make his face less blushing. It didn’t.

“I knew it! Finally!” Phichit screamed and lifted his phone to start texting someone, Yuuri quickly leaned over the table and grabbed it from his hands.

“You’re not allowed to tell anyone!”

“Okay, okay. I won’t.” Phichit held up his arms in surrender. “When are you going to tell them?

“I don’t know. I might not tell them.”

“Yuuri, you _have_ to tell them.”

“Phichit-“

“No. Seriously, tell them. _Please_ , tell them.”

Yuuri sighed and gave Phichit his phone back.

“Okay, I’ll think about it.”

 

Despite what Phichit had said, and what Yuri had said earlier, Yuuri had trouble picturing someone like Viktor falling for someone like him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> emotionally prepare yourselves for the last chapters next week :sunglasses emoji:


	9. Nine

“You’re eighteen, right?”

“Yes?”

Viktor and Yuuri were sitting beside the ice rink at midday. Even though Yuuri’s programme had gone a lot better than he excepted it to, Viktor still insisted on privately teaching him. Their practices had become more frequent, and much more intense, since the news of the upcoming competition happening next week. They stopped for a lunch break- Yuuri’s mother wouldn’t let him leave without bringing some sort of food with him, insisting that he and Viktor should stop to take care of themselves every once in a while. The lunch was leftover katsudon, so Yuuri wasn’t going to complain.

“What are you going to do when you leave school?”

Viktor’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I’m definitely going to do something figure skating related.”

“You could become an international figure skating legend one day,” Yuuri replied. “Or a famous coach like Yakov.”

“Who says I can’t do both?” They grinned. “I could. You could become an international skating legend, too.”

“I could.” He smiled. It wasn’t often that Yuuri felt moments of genuine confidence, but he had been having small moments like that lately. Small victories.

They were so many questions that Yuuri wanted to ask them. He wanted to ask about the future, he wanted to ask about their past, the good and the bad- all of it. He wanted to understand the unspoken tragedy that they had suffered. He wanted to know everything. He wanted to know if they felt the same way. He wanted them to know that he was slowly, surely losing his mind.

Yakov burst through the doors. He was the last person Yuuri had been expecting to see. He was wearing a black hat and sunglasses- Yuuri wondered if this was him being incognito from skating fanatics. He handed a large brown envelope to Viktor.

“This is a list of the other teams you will be facing. You should be making the final adjustments to your programmes now, but this list includes extensive profiles too. Find out as much about your competition as you can under short notice- play to your individual strengths.”

Viktor looked like he was using every ounce of his willpower to keep his excitement under control. His eyes were sparkling. “You’re helping us.”

Yakov whipped off his hat and ran a hand over the top of his smooth head. “This isn’t an act of kindness, Nikiforov. They have many advantages over you.” He put his hat back on and left in a hurry.

“He’s definitely helping us.” Yuuri confirmed.

Viktor was apparently very deep in thought, staring at the spot where Yakov had just stood. “Maybe I won’t be a coach after all. Going bald isn’t worth it.”

 

* * *

 

 

They were back in Viktor’s bedroom. Viktor had pulled up an empty board and Yuuri was helping him pin up the individual profiles of each competing skater, using the pins to colour coordinate the skaters from each school.

“Couldn’t Yakov get in a lot of trouble if the judges found out about this?” Yuuri asked.

“No, it isn’t cheating.” Viktor explained with some pins resting in their hair. “It’s just a bit of information, it’s giving us an advantage. They probably know everything about us any…way..." 

Yuuri looked back at Viktor, wondering why they had suddenly paused. They were holding a picture of one of the skaters from a random profile. Another guy who looked around their age, grinning wildly at the camera. Yuuri had seen Viktor surprised before, but the look on his face was one of complete shock. It was like…horror. Yuuri was about to ask them what was wrong when he noticed that the boy’s jacket in the picture was designed to look like the Canadian flag.

The picture was starting to shake their hold, Yuuri quickly took it from them and they looked up into his face. Viktor’s face was drained of all colour, even the unique blue in his eyes had fallen to grey- or maybe that was his eyes watering like a stormy sea threatening to spill.   _No. This is the kind of hurt that goes beyond tears._ Yuuri was starting to feel shaken himself, he had never seen them like this before.

“I know who that is,” Yuuri admitted. “Yuri told me what happened.”

Yuuri was expecting them to be mad, but they just nodded and sat down on their bed. “I thought he might have told you.” Their voice was unnaturally quiet.

Earlier, Yuuri had wanted to understand everything Viktor had went through. It wasn’t until that moment that he understood that there was some heartbreak and betrayal that couldn’t be shared. Love isn’t as simple as it’s shown to be; you can’t kiss someone’s pain away. But, he could listen. He could be there, and he could stay by their side while they healed. That’s a type of love in itself.

“You can talk to me, Viktor.”

And they did. They talked about everything. They told Yuuri that they had been stuck in depression for a long time afterwards, Mrs. Yakov tried to help them in every way she could, including helping to set up the ice skating club. They didn’t go into detail about their experience with depression. Yuuri didn’t push them to talk about it. They told him of the utter betrayal and hopelessness they had experienced because of that boy, and his biological parents. In the end, they were glad to live in an environment where they could be free, with supportive parental figures, but that couldn’t get rid of the hurt. Yuuri didn’t say a word until they had finished talking.

“You are the bravest and the sweetest person I have ever met in my entire life.”

 

* * *

 

Viktor walked him home.

They held hands.

Neither of them said a word. 

 

* * *

 

 

The next day, Yuuri was in Viktor’s bedroom again. They had just finished pinning up all of the profiles, Yuuri put _that guy_ ’s picture in the bottom left corner. They stood in a comfortable silence for a while, Viktor seemed happier.

“Thank you for everything, Yuuri.” Viktor smiled, and Yuuri asked one the questions he had been dying to know the answer to before he could back down.

“Yuri admitted that the reason he didn’t like me at first was because of him.” He said cautiously. “Do you think I’m like him?”

Viktor’s smiled faltered and Yuuri quickly added, “I’m only asking because I wanted you to know that I never want to do anything to hurt you, Viktor. I would never do anything like that, I-“

“I know you wouldn’t.” Viktor interrupted. “You’re nothing like him.”

Viktor started to move, Yuuri was worried that this time he did say something that made him mad.

 

And then he felt a pair of lips on his own.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was so mean of me but i love a good cliffhanger


	10. Finale

It was soft, and quick, and slightly clumsy.

It was perfect.

Yuuri was struggling to not slowly sink down onto the floor while making unintelligible noises. Viktor was beaming, the white in their cheeks dusted with pink.

“Nothing like him at all, Yuuri.”

“Thank you?” Yuuri was also struggling to form coherent thoughts. This beautiful, endearing dork was going to be the death of him.

Viktor laughed, Yuuri leaned forwards.

 

* * *

 

 

On Wednesday, Viktor and Yuuri entered the Ice Arena with their hand around his waist.

“Who confessed their undying love first?” Phichit ran up to the new couple. “This is important!”

Yuuri laughed. “None of us have. I guess… Viktor made the first move-“

Phichit cursed, Yuuri saw Yuri fist pump the air in victory.

“Wow, I didn’t think he would be so happy about us being together!” Viktor commented.

“It’s not that.” Phichit grumbled. “We had a bet, now he gets to tweet whatever he wants from my account.”

 

* * *

 

 

Today was the day.

It was the fastest week of Yuuri’s life. His session with the school counsellor been cancelled, she understood how important this competition was to the group, and how much Yuuri wanted to use all of his free time to practice with the rest of them. They didn’t even need permission to use the rink out of usual business hours anymore. Mrs. Volkov ended up running into him in the school corridor anyway. She quickly checked that he was taking care of himself, his anxiety levels were off the charts, but he assured her that he would be careful. Just before she left, she congratulated Yuuri on his new relationship and told him that the other Mrs. Volkov wanted to invite him over to dinner.

When he got home that night he wondered when he was going to tell his own parents that he was dating Viktor. Then, there was a knock at the door and Viktor was standing there. Their hair in a sophisticated bun, holding a ridiculously large bouquet of soft blue flowers. He probably should have guessed that they would be the stereotypical romantic type.

Currently, Yuuri was standing in the Ice Arena with his friends, and his partner. They were going through a box of old costumes to wear tonight. Phichit had immediately picked the brightest thing available, also embroidered with gold. Viktor had actually designed their own costume a while ago, in preparation for an event like this. It was a combination of typical male and female figure skating outfits, complete with a skirt on one side. The black fabric really made their long silver hair stand out.

“It’s perfect for you, Vitya.”

Viktor kissed him in response and Yuri made a gagging noise.

“At least some of us have the decency to keep our private relationships to ourselves.” Otabek moved to kiss him on the cheek, Yuri turned red and swatted him away, claiming that he was missing the point. 

“Wow, this club is getting gayer every day.” Phichit was still digging through the box. He gasped and brought up a blue blazer that sparkled dazzlingly in the light. He walked over to hold it against Yuuri’s frame.

 

* * *

 

 

The competition was being hosted in some private school’s rink. Yuuri suddenly understood what Yakov meant about having advantages, this could have easily held Olympic competitions. Highly raised seats were at every single edge, there were so many people watching that he couldn’t make out individual faces, just endless colours. He knew that his parents were out there somewhere.

Of course, the student who was going first was the one who they really didn’t want to see. Yuri groaned as the Canadian skater zoomed around the rink, his arms held high through the thunderous applause like he was the king of the world.  Yuuri took Viktor’s hand and they walked away to get changed, he knew that watching his programme would just mess with their head.

“Yuuri?”

“Yeah?”

“You’re shaking.”

Yuuri looked down at his trembling hands. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. He had come so far in such a short space of time, he couldn’t afford to break down now. _I won’t break down. I won’t break down. If anything, I’ll do this just to prove to myself that I can._

“I can do this.”

“You can do this.”

Love isn’t as simple as it’s shown to be; being in love can’t cure your illnesses, or solve all of your life problems. But, having someone on your side to support you unconditionally can make all of the difference.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When they walked back to stand nearer to the rink, Yuuri could hear that the applause from the audience was getting wilder and wilder. He took a deep breath.

_I can do this._

All too soon, the name of their group was called out. Yuuri was going first. There were good lucks, hands, and hugs everywhere- Yuuri honestly couldn’t tell whether the hugging hands belonged to Viktor or Phichit. He stepped into the rink, the cheers and applause were overwhelming, which was nice considering they were probably the one school who no-one had heard of before.

_Home._

The music started, Yuuri did his best to focus on his emotions. He looked up and caught a glimpse of the amount of people all staring at him, all of the attention was completely focused on him- _Slip._ The audience _oooh’d_ at his fall, but he quickly picked himself back up again. That was what he was good at: falling, but getting up again each time. He looked at Viktor, they were nodding. He thought about Viktor. _Home._ Yuuri’s own definition of ‘home’ was expanding. Before, he had mainly associated the idea of a home with physical places and family. The Ice Arena was definitely his home now, and all of the skaters were too.

It was more than that. He found home in them individually. He found home in his mother’s cooking, and her sincere smile that reminded him that everything would be okay. He found home in his father’s supportiveness, his ridiculous sense of humour. He found home in Mrs. Volkov’s understanding and kindness. Phichit’s addiction to selfies, his endless positive energy, his unwavering friendship. Otabek’s calm, like a steady rock in the midst of a storm, the fact that he was secretly as soft as a teddy bear- secretly holding hands with Yuri under the bench. Yuri’s fiery passion, his own ridiculous humour, his own version of caring. Viktor. Every single thing about Viktor.

That was what home was to him.

 

When he finished his routine, he cried.

 

* * *

 

 

Nothing was as satisfying as watching Viktor stand at the podium with a gold medal in their hands, blue flowers in their hair, while the boy who betrayed them stood underneath. A bronze medal clutched in one hand, halfheartedly waving with the other. Yuri near them, a silver medal hanging around his neck. Yuuri and Otabek gave him a thumbs up.

Yuuri didn’t care about not getting a medal, he didn’t need one. He knew that he wouldn’t have to carry all of his weights alone, he was surrounded with people who would carry it with him.

That was all that he ever needed.

 

* * *

 

 

The following year, Yuuri became the new ‘coach figure’ of the Ice Arena Skating Club. The group had been thriving with new members ever since two of their skaters had won medals. These members included a boy with short blonde hair who liked to hit on Yuuri for fun, and two girls who had started dating despite a brother’s disapproval.

“I told you this club gets gayer every day.” Phichit had said when he heard the news.

When Viktor had graduated, Yakov immediately offered them a place in his training programme. They were growing in popularity among the skating community every day. Yuuri had no doubt that Viktor would become an international legend.

They would still go back to visit the group sometimes, they promised that they would coach Yuuri one day.

Every Wednesday Viktor would visit Yuuri, with a bouquet of blue flowers in their hands.

They were still an endearingly enthusiastic dork.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so. many. line. breaks. 
> 
> and that's it over! i got very emotional when writing this chapter. thank you so, so much for reading all of this and sticking with me over the past month! i have endless love and gratitude for everybody who left comments, left kudos, bookmakred this, and/or gave me your support. seriously, it means a lot. 
> 
> also, special shoutout to astralpenguin who commented on pretty much every chapter! your support made me even more motivated to get each chapter out in time so i appreciate it a lot!!

**Author's Note:**

> i spent way too much time researching how russian high schools work before realising that i would probably mess it up anyway so the location is unspecified yet heavily implied.
> 
> also, the students appearing throughout this fic will be between the ages of 16-18; yuuri being 17 and viktor being 18
> 
> thank you for reading!!


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